


Thank U, Next

by Anonymous



Category: Cats - Andrew Lloyd Webber
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, Murder, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:34:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24386782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: 😊 Macavity is the biggest nerd 🤓 in highschool who gets picked on by the most popular kids in school, Munkustrap🚶♂️, Demeter 🚶♀️and the slutty Bombalurina💃 (just like the musical!!!😱) But newkid and star quarterback Rumpus Cat 🤾♂️saves him💫…and maybe falls in love 💞🤭
Relationships: Great rumpus cat/macavity
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7
Collections: Anon Works





	Thank U, Next

(((Author’s Notes! :3c)))

Macavity wakes up from a violent nightmare. It was Bombalurina, that bitch, shoving him into a locker with her whore nails digging into his freckled, porcelain skin. He shudders at the thought of seeing that sea-witch later today. Macavity gets up from his bed and begins his morning routine. He looks into the mirror, his reflection a grievous reminder of his moral existence.

He has long, messy, red hair with dyed purple streaks. (((Look at the picture below!!! Just like Cat from iCarly!! If you haven’t seen da show GTFO!!!!!))) His red was red as blood. The blood that boiled in his veins. Macavity turns, sighing, to put on his uniform. It was a sleek red blazer (he had dyed himself) and a normie white button up with a tie. But here was the most egregious article of all – THE SKIRT! Those nasty, vile, disgusting bullies had stolen Macavity’s pants and left him with only a skirt. Macavity was too poor to buy a replacement pants, so he’s forced to wear this skirt every day. Then, he dons his flower crown, and contemplates. Looking at himself in the mirror, his eyes darkened at the memory of those filthy boys giggling as they threw his expensive pants into the river.

Ever since his parents died a violent death, Macavity had to make his own breakfast. It’s so annoying! He’s much too busy being a good academic student to learn how to cook like a woman. He’s had to eat dried, disgusting toast, either that or risk his masculinity. And burnt ramen for lunch, that always gets thrown in the toilet by those mean bullies every day anyway. When he looked outside to gaze upon his parents’ graves in the backyard, he realized how late it had gotten. He ran out of his house, with the piece of toast in his mouth. Suddenly, he stepped on a banana peel – probably planted there by that SLUT – and landed right on his face! He gets up, blood pouring from his ears, and dusts himself off, ready for school! 

Macavity missed the school bus. He gazed for longingly up at the magic school bus with his emerald orbs. There he was, Skimbleshanks, the bus driver, who flipped him off, as he does every day. Then there was Victoria, who always sat at the back of the bus PURPOSEFULLY to flash that horrid L on her forehead. Macavity weeps quietly as he walks to school. 

As soon as Macavity walked through school doors Rum Tum Tugger, Demeter and Bombalurina were there ready to shove him in every locker in this damn school. He tries to sneak past them by shielding himself with a giant book (((gaiz read war and peace!!1 it’s really good <3 I LOVE IT))), but that meathead Rum Tum Tugger knocks it out of his hands with his bulging fists.

“Hey there, pinecone bitch,” Tugger said, hissing, “what the fuck are you doing here? Didn’t I fucking tell you to stay at home with your rotting corpses of parents and stay the fuck out of my sight, so help me our lord and savior Jesus Christ.”

(((GAIZ Tugger just swaears a lot because he’s a BULLY!! Don’t think this is right!!! EUGH)))

“Actually, Tugger, Jesus isn’t real.”

Rum Tum Tugger stood there, dumbfounded. Macavity sighed. Rum Tum Tugger and his disgusting brother, Munkustrap, are idiot sons of the local priest, Deutoronomy, and blindly thump the bible everywhere they go. For God’s sake, they weren’t even taught evolution in school – these idiots don’t know that they’re evolved from apes, which they ARE even in present day. 

“Tugs, you moron!” Demeter bellowed with her ugly voice. “Do you realize who’s speaking to you? Fagcavity!” 

((( hey gus remember you are ugly and I hate you gus oh god I hate you so much you’re so old and stinky and you look like you have a gross spray tan I fucking despise you anyway the f word is wrong and demeter is MEAN what she said was WRONG1!1DONT FORGET)))

Rum Tum Tugger was snapped back into reality, and squared up, ready to pummel Macavity into oblivion. 

As Macavity was being shoved and pulled out of lockers, he could see Munkustrap was just coming around the corner – with a mysterious gentleman. 

“Well, well, well, look who the cat dragged in!” Munkustrap said, in his nasally voice, wringing his scrawny hands together. Demeter, Bombalurina and Rum Tum Tugger all laughed because it was so funny. If Munkustrap wasn’t so hilarious he wouldn’t be so popular. 

“Hi,” the mysterious gentleman said, sexily. 

“Oh, right,” Munkustrap said, turning to the stranger. “So hey guys, this is our new transfer student – from ENGLAND – The Rumpus Cat. I’m showing him around school. The Rumpus Cat, these are my friends – except for that loser in the skirt, he’s just Fagcavity. Ignore him. He will die soon.” 

“Oh, hey mate,” Bombalurina said, sexily, bouncing her boobs, trying to seduce The Rumpus Cat, that whore! It’s said that her betrothed, Rum Tum Tugger, is completely sterile from an accident in fifth grade in which he got his balls stuck in a pencil sharpener. Now she flings herself, tom to tom, hoping to get impregnated before high school is over, to preserve te family bloodline.

Macavity, barely fitting into the frame of the locker because of his massive muscles, stares, wide-eyed, at The Rumpus Cat. He was wearing a crop top, but not like, in a gay way, because you could see his abs. They exchange a smouldering gaze, and yet say nothing. Everything and nothing is said in their orbs catching each other’s projected light. 

Munkustrap watches them, perplexed. Demeter farts.

The bell rings, summoning them to the classroom. 

As fate would have it, The Rumpus Cat and Macavity ended up sitting side by side in biology class. Their assignment was to dissect a frog. Munkustrap and Demeter protested the experiment by sitting idly and doing nothing to stop it. The professor let it slide because Munkustrap’s dad is basically funding the school at this point. Um. So. The Rum Tum Tugger decides to merely steal a dissected frog from whoever finishes first, and Bombalurina is busy trying to seduce the renowned homosexual, Mistoffelees. (((I hate him)))

The Rumpus Cat and Macavity brush hands as they reach for the same scalpel. The touch felt like electricity rushing through their veins. My God, Macavity felt like he was being reborn. Or whatever. They stared longingly into each other’s orbs until the bell rang, signalling that the lunch period had begun. 

In the cafeteria, everyone was scattered into thei cliques. The mean, popular bullies were gathered in their nest, with their newest victim. Bombalurina had stroked his beautiful biceps with intent. “I want you to fuck me in the pussy, Rumpus Cat,” she said, seductively, crossing her voluptpious legs. 

Macavity threw his burnt ramen onto the ground with a roar. “Bombalurina you fucking fake-ass bitch! Everyone knows you’re a raging dyke just overcompensating so nobody knows about your raunchy Britney Spears pinups in your locker! Admit it! I saw you eating out Demeter behind the bleachers!”

Rum Tum Tugger just sat there, unblinkingly, watching as his fiancé burst into tears. She got up, trying to punch Macavity in the face. “Shut the fuck up, Fagcavity!”

“Ew!” Macavity said, dodging her punches, “I don’t want a gross, filthy lesbian touching me!”

Bombalurina shrieked, and ran out of the room with tears streaking down her ugly face.

Nobody goes to comfort her and just continues with lunch. The Rumpus Cat kept his eyes on Macavity the whole time, not bothering to drink his protein shake. He got up from his seat, and joined Macavity. 

“Wow,” Macavity said, his eyes sparkling, “nobody’s stood up for me like that before.”

“Well, I’ve never seen anyone so beautiful before,” Rumpus Cat replied, his pecs flexing from under the crop top. 

“I heard you’re a football player,” Macavity said, fluttering his eyelashes. “Yeah,” said Rumpus Cat, “I’m pretty good at it to get into this school.”

“I’ve never been to the football field though,” said Macavity, his fat ass hanging over the seat. “Could you show me?”

“Sure,” Rumpus Cat said sexily. 

When they arrived on the field, they immediately embraced each other behind the bleachers. Rumpus Cat put his thingy in Macavity’s you-know-what, and it was beautiful. They would have waited for marriage, but gay marriage is illegal at this current time in which these events take place. Anyway. Just as Rumpus Cat is about to release his lazer liquid, he calls out for Macavity…but… … …

“FAGCAVITY!” he cries, screeching, as he came. 

“What!?!?!?!??!” Macavity cried, pushing Rumpus Cat away with the force of his strong arms. “What did you just call me?”

“Uh….”Rumpus Cat blinked dumbly, “that’s your name, isn’t it?”

“Oh My God,” Macavity was in tears, sniffling, his heart broken, “you’re just like the rest of them~! Calling me names – I bet this was all an elaborate prank! I should’ve known. This was just like when Rum Tum Tugger took my virginity, but not really, because he has no balls, so he couldn’t come inside me, so it doesn’t count!”

“No way, Fagcavity!” Rumpus Cat cried, his crop top shredded with force. “I love you, I swear! I’ll prove it!”

“How?”

“I’ll kill them. I’ll kill all of them for you, babe, to save you from this hellscape. I’ll smear their blood all over this godforsaken town so everyone knows, babe!”

“I don’t believe you.” Macavity said, crying and squealing like a sexy pig, “how can I believe you after everything you’ve done!”

“Come with me then! I’ll show it to you!”

The Rumpus Cat dragged Macavity, ass out, to Munkustrap and Rum Tum Tugger’s house. The Rumpus Cat unsheathed his claws, hissing, and leapt at his victims, tearing them to shreds. Demeter shrieked in her really shrill voice, her last moments tragic. Rum Tum Tugger was confessing some shit about his sexuality so that he could repent before being sent to hell, but it was too late. The Rumpus Cat tore out his heart and played hacky sack with it. 

Munkustrap was the last to fall, and he glared up at the two of them venomously. “There’s more than one way to skin a cat!” Macavity said, which was hilarious, and so Munkustrap couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Woah, that was really funny, but anyway,” Munkustrap spat, “I’m glad I’m dying now. Beats rotting in prison for life for killing your parents.”

The Rumpus Cat was about to unleash the final blow, when Macavity stopped him. 

“No, my love, don’t you see?” Macavity said, his orbs luminescent, “by killing Munkustrap you’re only as bad as him!”

“Woah, that’s really insightful and convincing. Okay. I’ll stop.”

They then began to kiss passionately, when Munkustrap continued to laugh.

“You queers are all the same. When the going gets tough, you all give up, and crawl into each other’s arms like heathens. That’s why I killed your gay ass parents. It was only a matter of natural selection that those fags would die at my hands.”

Macavity gasped. His eyes darkened. He flashes his fangs. He then pounced on Munkustrap, beginning to eat him violently and with vigor. There was blood and guts everywhere. By God, it’s so upsetting, I can’t even begin to explain. Anyway. 

(((gaiz Riverdale is coming on soon and I haz to go!!1 Sorry gotta end it real quick)))

“Wow, babe, that was so beautiful!” The Rumpus Cat said in awe. Macavity smiled for the first time in years. “It felt amazing, too.”

Rumpus Cat takes one sweeping look at the crime scene, and smirked. “Thank you, next!”


End file.
